A Pet is Lost by Saint George in the Lake District


King Freddie and Prime Minister Merlin had convinced the patron saint and minister for the environment, George, to take a vacation with some of his pet monsters. When George and his companion Jack arrived in the Cumbrian Lake District and decided it was time for an armour-off week, they looked for a cozy bed in a crumbling castle to spend the night. When it was time to wake George, Jack looked over their pets and, to his horror, noticed that one young monster was missing. The fact that George was in a good mood assuaged his fears about breaking the bad news to his master.

‘Do they all have the desire to move on?’ asked George.

‘All but one, I’m afraid,” Jack said while describing the missing child.

Now George didn’t seem as happy, but he still assisted Jack in organizing a search and enlisting some neighborhood peasants. ‘They took some boats out on the lake in the hopes of spotting some telltale air bubbles or steam puffs because Jack said, “I think all the younger monsters went swimming.” They attempted to continue by the light of the monsters’ flaming breath as it began to grow dark, but they were unable to control the intensity and continuity of illumination, so they were forced to put off further efforts until the next morning.

The following morning at breakfast, George inquired about the last feeding of the missing monster with Jack. ‘The younger animals were all in the water when you took off your armor, so some of them missed their chance to eat, explained Jack.’

‘Therefore, it’s possible that the missing chappie went more than a week without eating, George said. ‘He must be hungry by this point.’

‘If he smells the Marmorgugelhupf cake, he’ll come,’ Jack said.

‘Not if he is submerged.’

‘Let’s then dispense some cake into the water!’ said Jack: “I discovered that sharks can detect blood in the water from a great distance when I was in the navy. Possibly, our amphibian friends have the same olfactory sense.’

‘Olfactive!” exclaimed George. ‘Where did you find that wonderful word that was rather above your library shelf?’

‘Oh, I suppose Merlin must have used it in reference to your socks, which you remove at the conclusion of an armour-on week, Jack said. ‘Something about irritating his olfactory sensitivity.’

‘So you put a sock in it and throw some cake into the lake.’

Sure enough, a few minutes after Jack had scattered some Marmorgugelhupf cake crumbs on the water’s surface, a cheeky face emerged from the depths and blew a few smoke rings. The returnee jumped out of the water, downed a quick breakfast, and then lined up to board the ship.

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