Your kids are grown ups now
In my opinion, it is our responsibility as parents to find other employment. As a result, we should encourage our kids to develop their independence.
Unfortunately, some people seem to believe that even after their children have reached legal adulthood, they are still accountable for the decisions and actions they make. They allowed them to remain at home, oblivious to jobs, education, or goals. Along with the necessities like additional electricity, water, and food, they also cover luxuries. Every day the parents work to pay the bills, but the adult child sleeps in until noon, trashes the house, and acts disrespectfully. While they don’t want to act responsibly like adults, they still want to be treated as adults.
When a child is unmotivated, parents frequently frantically turn to professionals in the hopes that they can offer a diagnosis, a treatment plan, or other magic tricks. They believe they may be suicidal, depressed, or incapable of moving forward without assistance.
That may be the case in some circumstances. However, in some cases the parent has unintentionally disabled the child by failing to instill life skills or setting reasonable expectations.
The adult child then abruptly leaves after becoming upset over something. Maybe they had the ability to do that all along!
My grandfather, an orphan who arrived in Canada from England by himself at the age of eleven, is a person I frequently think about. He never saw any of his family members again, and he was deprived of the luxury of having other people take care of his needs when he felt ill or lazy. He held a variety of jobs, such as stoking fires in commercial buildings, delivering mail, working as a farmhand, and section work for the railway. He told me he was most proud of never having taken a day of relief (welfare) and that he lived to be 95 years old. When he moved to another country and began supporting himself, he was only eleven.
One of the best medicines in the world, in my opinion, is work. It provides you with a goal, a reason to interact with others, and coins to jingle as a token of appreciation for your service. It also gives you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
The lack of available work is another theme that I am hearing more frequently than in the past. Maybe our adult children really just don’t want to do it. Or they want the supervisor position without having the necessary experience.
There are always posters in the neighborhood and online job postings. Even if the job isn’t exactly what you wanted or thought you should have, you should still give it your best shot. While you look for something better, getting a job will help you make money and improve your resume.
And when it comes to children moving back home after having “launched” I don’t think I’m as patient as you might think. For an adult to live with their parents for free while they save money for a house or a trip just doesn’t make sense to me.
I adore my children and grandchildren dearly, but they are all independent and I would never anticipate any of them asking me to provide housing or financial support.
Maybe it’s time to take a closer look at your motivations and the effects if you’re still providing for your adult child. Is it true that you rely on your child? If they can manage this on their own, what are you teaching them by paying for it? Will you and your child ultimately profit from your investment and sacrifice? Would you consent to the same scenario if a neighbor or friend asked you to lend a hand?
It’s time to accept that your child must now behave like an adult because they are now adults. It might be time to sit down and set a deadline for your adult child to move out of your home if they aren’t currently employed or enrolled in school.